Jan and Lukes Showbiz bucks show
by Kakoratt 101
Summary: sigh finally... sorry for the wait! Chapter 15 up and running catch before it goes to far!
1. Seras's case

Jan's and Luke's showbiz bucks show!

**No characters are mine!**

"Now it's time for Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show!" said the both of them

"Ok now, we have a special guest with us! It's that dumb broad Seras Victoria." Said Jan

"Hey watch your mouth!" yelled Seras

"You're funny." Said Luke

"? What the bloody hell are you guys talking about?" asked Seras

"We have to discuss something." Said Luke

"What?" asked Seras

"Why do your boobs get so big?" asked Jan "I like them."

"Sick little bastard." Whispered Seras

"Ok enough of that! Let's play a game called, Spin the Alucard!" yelled Jan

"M…Master?"

"Seras, what are you doing here?"

"I'm a contestant! Why are you there!"

"This is my part time job."

"That ends this episode of Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

until next time!


	2. Anderson's case

**Jan and Lukes Showbiz bucks show!**

Welcome to

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"Today we have another contestant!" yelled Luke

"Who is it?" asked Jan

"It's that crummy Father Anderson!" said Luke "All tied up in a chair!"

"Ae swear, when I get out of this chair I'm gaenna fudging kill ya all! Vampire scum!"

"He's a little mad today." Said Jan

"I think he's always been like this." Said Luke "Time to spin the Alu…card?"

"Oh shit…he's gone." Said Jan

"I don't like being spun on a wheel by jokers like YOU!" yelled Alucard

"Don't worry, if this is about your money issues we'll begin right now." Said Jan

"You know what…aren't you that guy that created that doggy, made him sick me?" asked Luke

"You just found out that it was me on the wheel?" asked Alucard

"Ummm…actually, yes I just did." Said Luke

"Pathetic." Thought Alucard

"Ow! Ow! Hey that hurts!" yelled Jan "Stop kicking my ass! OW!"

"Well then think of something else!" yelled Seras

"Vampires or not, Ae still kill ya all, HAHAHAHAHA!" said Father Anderson

"How the hell did you get out of that chair?" asked Luke

"Does it matter?" asked Anderson

"And that's all the time we have…so." Said Luke

That's that for...

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke's

"Showbiz bucks Show!" said the both of them

Until next time….again


	3. HERR MAJOR!

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!**

Welcome to

"Jan" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"Today we have another contestant!" said Jan

"Who the frick is it now? Asked Luke

"It's HERR MAJOR!" yelled Jan

(Big Applause) (Big Boos)

"Shut it you damn fake audience!" yelled Luke

"This time we're going to play a _different_ game today." Said Jan

"What's it called?" asked Luke

"**Throwing Darts at the Sleazy No Good Dirty Rotten Pig Thieving, Seras Victoria!**" yelled Jan

"You throw one dart at me, and I'll make sure that you have no balls to live with!"

"Remember that we're in the afterlife…" said Luke

"No we're NOT!" yelled Seras

"Hey, did you guys forget about me?" asked Major

"Shut it! You're not in this conversation!" yelled Jan and Seras

"Please play **Spin the Alucard...**" Said Alucard

"HEY!" yelled Major

"Uh-oh, now I think he's pissed." Said Luke

"NOW LOOK, I CAME ON THIS SHOW FOR A REASON!"

"And what was that reason?" asked Luke

"TO GET MORE MONEY!"

"Money? We don't give money on this show." Said Jan "We just make stupid comments about the show and contestants."

And that's it for…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks Show." Said the both of them

Until next time…

"You get back here!" yelled the Major

"AAhhh, what did I do!" screamed Jan

"You made this ridiculous show titled **Showbiz bucks Show**!"


	4. Africa Showbiz bucks show

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!**

Welcome to

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"Today, we are going to make this one extra long! Hopefully." Said Jan

"Booyah! Jan, you rock!" yelled Luke "Today's contestant we have… Jan Valentine."

"…Why me?" asked Jan

"Well uhhh…" (Looking at a list.) "It says that you are next up."

"That can't be true!" yelled Jan

"Oh-well… since you're on here. I guess you get the money." Said Luke

"What? _He_ gets money! What about me?" whimpers Major

"Shut it!" yelled Jan

"Dammit!" screamed the Major

"Ok…now what are we going to play today?" asked Jan

"Hey, since you're the contestant, I get to choose what we get to play!" yelled Luke

"Fine!" argued Jan

"Maybe we should just drench Anderson with Holy water!" yelled Luke

"Hey that sounds like fun!" answered Jan "Hey, what the frick." (Looks at a Corner) "Who is this guy?"

"Who knows and who cares." (Paper cut) "Ah crap! Well look at that. Blood." (Blood drops onto the carcass in the corner).

"Hmm?" mumbled Jan "Hey, that thing is coming alive!"

"Who cares...?" Replied Luke

"I do!" (The zombie figure comes from the floor).

"D…Die, Die! Die!" yelled the figure

"Where the frick are the lights to this room?" asked Jan "Ah there we go!" (Turns the lights on)

"Hey turn the lights out, I'm trying to sleep!" yelled Alucard

"Oh it's just you…" said Jan

"Did you get my money problems raised?" asked Alucard

"Uh, yeah sure we did." Said the disturbed Jan

"Make sure that I get my paycheck, with a raise! Above $1,000."

"What! One…one-thousand dollars?"

"Yes, or I'm done being your Spin-boy. Now good-night!"

"?...I'm confused!" yelled Jan

"Well then pay attention!" demanded Luke

"Uh hey, where's Anderson?" asked Jan

"I think we're in the wrong country." Said Luke

"Oh crap!" yelled the both of them

And that's it for…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Wrong Country Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"Are we ever going to get back, bro?"

"Maybe, unless if you pay attention, we will survive."

"Hey wait a minute! We promised the viewers a longer story!" yelled Jan

"That's true." Replied Luke

"Hey bro, what's that thing on your head?" asked Jan

"I think it's a dog." Yelled Luke

"Another one!" (Counts fingers) "That's the…actually I don't know how many times you've been bitten on the head by a dog." Said Jan

"Well who cares!" yelled Luke

"Hey!" (Counts fingers) "That's the fifth time you said that!" yelled Jan

"Third time, you moron." Mumbled Luke "And besides we're not getting anywhere with this talking business, we need to find ANDERSON!"

-In a bathroom-

"Ae though Ae just hurd mae name. Oh well, mus' be in Mae imagination." Said Father Anderson

Until next time!...again and again and again and so on!

**Oddly enough I was playing the Star Wars theme song while writing this! Next is the fifth exciting CHAPTER OF "Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!"**


	5. Aderson's show

**Anderson's Showbiz bucks show**

**I have finally put in the Harkonnen Fairy! thanx to Denekrad.**

"Welcome tae Aundurson's Showbiz bucks show." Said Father Anderson

"Hey, wait! We'll sue YOU!" yelled both Jan and Luke "For having this!"

"Just try mae." Said Anderson "Today, we have… that one guy."

"Hello." Said the person

"Why do you float, and how do you do it?" asked Anderson

"Why? Because I'm a fairy. And how? I flap my hands."

"Right…."

"Hey, may I pop in vor a sec?" asked Major

"No…And besides isn't the Hindenburg II supposed to take off today?" asked Anderson

"Uh, Shit! I mus' go zen! Bye!" (SLAM!)

"Good we 'o got rid 'o him then." Said Anderson

"I will now reveal my identity." Said the Harkonnen fairy

"May we get with the program!" asked Jan

"Enough Jan, I want to see how this is going to work out."

"Ok…?" replied Jan

"Now we willplay,**spin the Alucard!"** yelled Anderson "Hey, where'd he go now?"

Alucard laughed loud "YOU! I didn't think that I would be run by the like of you! CATHOLIC!"

"Please don't fight!" yelled the fairy "All we need is violence on this fan fiction!"

"Hey, shut it! You'll spoil the fun?" yelled Jan "I have the popcorn right here! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!"

"Jus' boi speaking with ya makes mae tired." Said Anderson

"Fine. But nexttime I'll get you!"

"Oh come on! I just got the fuckn' popcorn ready you jackasses!" yelled Jan

"There he goes again, getting all pissed off and swearing a lot." Thought Luke

(Door Slams open)

"Ok everyone! We now have the art gallery!" yelled Seras

"Uh Seras, You came to the wrong story." Said Alucard "You're supposed to do that in the Manga volume 4."

"Sorry, Master." Muttered Seras "Hey! It's you again!"

"Yes, it's me. I'm your gun, Seras." Replied the fairy "Ok now you mus' go. Go do your work."

"Ok then…?"

"Now my head has been taken off and has been replaced by a bird's head!" said the fairy

"What! Not again!" yelled Seras

"The last days of Laura Palmer!" yelled the fairy "Get ready for that fat needle, sick boy!"

"EH!"

"My wily, MY WILLLY!"

"NNNOOOOO! I have to wake up!" yelled Seras

"This isn't a dream anymore!"

That's it for…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show!" yelled everyone

**PLEASE SEND ME MORE! I NEED MORE! MORE! more ideas for this thing!**

**As you might notice that the reviews might be gone, well uh I have a reason for that.**

**My computer is messed up, and I was trying to do something and every review for these stories were deleted! So sorry about that.**


	6. Integra's MAD!

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!**

**THE HORROR!**

Welcome back to…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"Today's contestant is…Integra Hellsing!" yelled Jan

"Woohoo! Go Integ…I…I mean Jan! Go Jan!" yelled Luke

"You guys just better not do anything dumb, or." Said Hellsing

"Or what are you going to do?" asked Jan

Integra then pulls out a gun…

"Oh MY GOD SHE'S GOT A GUN!" everyone screamed and hid from her.

"You are thought to be, mighty and furious in the anime, but here. You guys are idiots." Said Integra

"Hey, that's not nice to say." Whimpers Luke

"Who cares bro, she's got a gun, and if she gets any closer, I'm going to wet myself." Said Jan

"Who cares about you!" screamed Alucard "I want my Teddy bear!"

Everyone just glares at Alucard in confusion…

"Ok….whatever." everyone thought "Continuing on."

"Hey everyone, I think it's safe to come out now." Said Jan

Everyone comes up from everywhere. Integra then fires the gun to the ceiling. Everyone dropped to the floor, faster than you can help.

"Ok maybe, it's not such a good idea to get up." Said Luke

"I agree. I think she's gone mad!" said Jan

Jan then looks to his left.

"Hey, I just found my cheeseburger!"

Then Alucard takes it away from him.

"It's mine now."

"You know, something's different about him. But I just can't put my finger on it." Said Luke

"Maybe he's on crack." Thought Jan

"Nah, that can't be it." Replied Luke "Crack heads act a little more "goofy" than this."

"He's just hallucinating from lack of blood sucking." Pointed Seras

"Oh. That's it? Just lack of, blood?" asked Jan

"Yeah…?"

Alucard goes to a corner…and starts to rock back and fourth

"Where's my mommy…Where is she?"

"Are you sure it's just lack of blood?" asked Luke

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

Jan then stares at Seras's chest…

"Uh, Jan? Are you okay?" asked Luke

"Errr…!" (SMACK!)

"Ow…ow…ow, ow."

"I guess that's what you get for looking at places where you're not supposed to." Said Luke

"Sick little bastard."

"Is she gone?" asked Jan

"Who, Seras?"

"No. I mean Integra." Said Jan

Luke then peaks around the corner…then a bullet ricochets off the wall into the ceiling.

"Nope. I believe she's still there." Said Luke

"This is like a damn nightmare!" yelled Jan

Beep Beep Beep Beep

"Whoa. What an adventure. Oh good, it's just a dream." Said Luke

Turns on lamp right next to his bed…

"Hello, Jan." said Integra

"God help me." Cried Jan

-Outside his house

"Well, I guess, that's it for my brother." Said Luke

That's it for…

"Jan's" said the Harkonnen Fairy

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"Hey, who said you could have the part?" asked Luke

**UNTIL NEXT TIME…**

**C' ya :D**


	7. Captain Vernedead'sthing?

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!**

Welcome to…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show" said the Harkonnen Fairy

"Today we are presenting a guest…again…but this time it's Harry MacDowell! Just kidding." Said Luke

"Isn't he from Gungrave?" asked Jan

"Yes, actually he is. But the real guy is actually"

"Me." Interrupted the Fairy

"Why do we keep you around anyway?" exclaimed Jan

"It's ACTUALLY! Captain Vernedead." Said Luke

"Oh, him. The guy that's in love with Seras." Said Jan

"Hey! Do you have a problem with love?" asked Luke

"Yes I do. I don't like it!"

"Well then, stop making out with the girls in the anime!"

"I can't! It's too addicting!" said Jan

"Crack head." Whispered Luke

"What'd you call me!" responded Jan

"Uh…Guys, are we going to do ze show Zen?" asked the Captain

"Why? Why me!" yelled Jan

"Ummm…Can I spin Alucard now?" asked Vernedead

"Maybe later." Said Luke "Right now, we're having a crisis!"

"Whatever…"

"And now it's time to **Spin the Alucard**." Said the fairy as he watches the Wheel of Fortune show

"You touch him! And I'm going to make sure that you don't have any fingers on your hands!" yelled Luke while Jan cries in the background "It's okay, they're gone."

"No they're not." Whimpered Jan "That…that guy is here to kill me!"

"Vernedead?" asked Luke

"And that fairy!" said Jan "They scare me."

"What did I do?" asked Vernedead

"I guess it's your, eye patch." Replied Luke

"Oh this?" said Vernedead as he lifts his patch "This is just for decoration."

"Then where, is your eye?" asked the fairy

"Hmm…I can't really tell you that." Said the captain

"And why not!" yelled Jan

"Because, I don't even no where it is." Said the Captain

"Around, 'round I go…I need a bag." Said Alucard

"Hello everybody." Greeted Anderson

"Oh no. You won't take this show over you…you…lummox!" yelled Luke

"Ae was just here tae say hello."

"Oh. Hello."

And that ends another chapter of…

"Jan" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show!" said the both of them

**UNTIL NEXT TIME!**


	8. My death sentence, feed the chickens

Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!

Welcome to…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"today we have another contestant once again!" yelled Jan

"Who is it this time?" asked the fairy

"The author of this whole entire thing." Said Jan

"Hello." Said Kakoratt 101

"You know, you really freak me out." Said Luke

"Good!" said Kakoratt 101

"Why is that good?" asked the fairy

"Why? Because, you are not worthy of being on here!"

"What does that have to do with anything?" asked Luke

"I have no idea, but anyway." Said Jan as he opens a hatch "He must die!" Then a door on the floor opens up.

"Uh dude, he's over there." Exclaimed Luke

"Why does this always have to happen!" yelled Jan

"You guys are pathetic!" yelled Kakoratt 101

"Why! Why me!" screamed Jan

Let's strum a guitar in the mountains… (Guitar plays)

"Oh MY GOD!" said the person "This is an outsecquedence!"

"Ok now we're back, hopefully back all the way…I think." Said the fairy

"Now, I will be on my way." Said Kakoratt 101 "Oh yeah, that reminds me, you guys are the lowest of the low."

"You got that from the anime didn't you?" asked Jan

"Uhh….maybe…"

The hatch then opens up while I walk out…and…I fell

"This can't be happening to me now!" said the dropping voice as it fades "You guys are not going to remember the light of day ever again!"

"DUDE! It's only a three foot hole!" said Luke

"Dammit! I knew I should have made it bigger!" yelled Jan

"And that's it for" said the fairy

"Jan's" said Luke

"And Luke's" said Jan

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"Hey, why are our names mixed up?" asked Jan

"I have no idea." Replied Jan

"Until next time, we'll get together again sometime soon!" said the fairy


	9. Someone from another anime Edition!

**Jan and Luke's showbiz bucks show**

Someone from another anime edition!

Welcome to…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Luke's" said the Harkonnen fairy

"Showbiz Bucks show." Said the both of them

-

"Now since my bro is in the hospital from a numbness" said Jan as he holds up needle

Suddenly Luke barges into the room wearing a hospital gown mumbling "Rur ur borur. Yur gur bur brurur."

"What? I can't understand." Said Jan

"Maybe he's saying something that doesn't have to do with anything." Said the fairy

"Rurur hur iur or wurevur ut us! IT'S COMING!" yelled Luke

"Hmmm…his voice came back!" exclaimed the fairy

"That thing…that spider thing…it's here to kill us all!"

"What are you talking about?" asked Jan

"Th…the…the………Tachikoma…"

"Tachikoma? Hey wait, were there happen to be a lot of old people around you?" asked the fairy

Luke nodded his head

"I don't think you were put in a hospital…" said the fairy

"You idiot! You put him in Foster Care!" yelled Jan

"I'm sorry…I don't know my way around." Whimpered the fairy

"So…anyway…THERE'S THIS SPIDER ROBOT! CHASING ME WITH A NEEDLE!"

"That's normal." Said Jan

"It is not!" replied Luke "Do you know how many robots are like that…? Nine!"

"And you would know of this how?" asked Jan

Luke starts to twiddle his fingers and says "Well uhh…I've watched Ghost in the Shell anime."

"Ah HAH! So then it's only fiction!" pointed Jan

"Dude, we're also from a fictional world to you idiot." Said Luke as Jan's face just went blank. Then Jan looks to his left seeing Schrödinger being trampled on a spider like machine.

"Is that the thing that you…were talking about?" asked Jan

"Yeah actually…it is." Replied the fairy

"YOU IDIOT! HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?" yelled Luke

"Please don't hurt me." Said Alucard to the Tachikoma

"Don't worry, I won't hurt you…much." Said the Tachikoma in a high pitch voice. Then shoving a thick needle up Alucard's butt. A loud anguish scream could be heard throughout the studio.

"No! It got to Alucard first! No take me instead!"

in the room-

"Ok…Now you're done with your booster shot Mr. Alucard." Said the Tachikoma

"That actually hurt me…" said Alucard when the Tachikoma then suddenly picked up a teddy bear "No! NOT MR. HONEYWORTHE! Anything but that!"

-outside the room

"No! anything but that! Take me! Take me instead of Mr. Honeyworthe!" then a blank look gazed upon Luke's face "Hey, who the hell is Mr. Honeyworthe anyway?"

"Don't ask me." Said Jan

Then a shadow drenched the studio with fear as the door to "the room" opened up. The Tachikoma stood there with a needle in one hand and a close hanger in the other.

"That is what you're scared of?" asked Jan

"Uhhh…Maybe…"

"You're such a retard." Said Jan "It's just a harmless spider like machine that wants to protect us from viruses."

"Jan? I wouldn't get near that thing." Said Luke

"And why not."

The Tachikoma then raised the needle in the air and stabbed Jan in the butt.

"Hey! Watch it. I could get HIV!"

"Don't be such a wuss." Said the Tachikoma

And that's it for…

"Jan's" said Jan

"Said Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show" said the fairy

**UNTIL NEXT TIME!**

**i was drinking coke cola and eating crackers at the same time...and milk spraid out of my nose...HEY when did i have milk?**


	10. Wrong place once again

**Now…since this is the 10th story of Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show! This one is going to be a little crazier than EVER! This story will contain quotes from other animes. So…yeah…here it is!**

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show! **

"Dearest Mother, I have finished the application for the Jan and Luke's showbiz bucks show, buuuut…I got a job—as a janitor; and I'm kinda crying right now." said Kamiyama (from Cromartie High School)

"JAN!" screamed Luke "What the fudge did you do with my little itsy bitsy teeny weenie microscopic telescope!"

"I didn't touch anything! All I have is this Tuna fish Sandwich." Said Jan, as he holds it up.

The fairy entered the room "Hey guess what I found?"

"Did you find another one of those mummified cats that are buried outside the studio?" asked Jan in an annoyed voice

"Nope." Said the fairy "This time I found a little itsy bitsy teeny weenie microscopic telescope, right in Luke's room!"

"You are sooo dead." Said Jan "Hey yo, big bro. You feeling all right?"

"I should get out of here, shouldn't I?" asked the fairy

"I'll give you a nano-second head start!" yelled Luke "Then I'll shove a pitchfork through your head you little twit! Hey where'd he go? And who is that guy in the door way?"

The fairy disappeared leaving the telescope behind, and a dark figure stood in the door way. (Just like what Luke said) +

"They call me…Errand Boy." Said the figure

"What kind of Name is that!" yelled Luke

"That's not a Name." said Jan

"I know. It's a nickname." Said Kamiyama "Oh and By the way…you're on the air."

A blank embarrassed look appeared on both Jan and Luke's face.

"Uhhhh….did you that we were on?" whispered Luke

"No bro, and why would you ask such a ridiculous question?" said Jan

"So anyway….we another special guest with us!" yelled Luke

"We do?" Luke then punches Jan in the head "Of course we do….! Jerkoff."

"His name is….uhhhh….Wal…ter…Kumm….Dorne? That's on freaky name." said Luke

Then Walter enters the room

"Holy SHIT! It's him! That's the guy that I told you about in the credits of the anime!" yelled Jan

"You idiot, we had to change out costumes during the credits, and become a little cartoony. And I don't remember you saying that at all, Jan."

"May I make a suggestion." Asked Walter "Are you all here again to take over the Hellsing Agency again?"

"No, Why?" asked Luke

"Uhhhh….bro? I don't think we're in the studio anymore." Said Jan

"What are you blabbering about now?"

"Those cameras? I think those are monitor cameras, Luke" said Jan

"So…then that means that………….WE'RE IN THE HELLSING BUILDING AGAIN!"

"Indeed you are…so, have you prayed to your god? Fallowed by pissing yourself?"

"I think my head has been replaced by a bird again…." Said the fairy

"Go AWAY!" yelled both Jan and Luke

And that's it for…

"Jan's" said Walter

"And Luke's" said the Fairy

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

"HEY! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT PART, NOT YOU TWO!" said both Jan and Luke

**UNTIL NEXT TIME! **

**-Kakoratt 101**


	11. The Great 20 hours!

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!**

**As 13 of you reviewed my stories so far….and this is so far the most reviews I've ever had! SO thank you! Rip Van Winkle is in here and Schrödinger…again…enjoy!**

**Inspired by Denekrad (for the Rip Van Winkle Idea and Schrödinger)**

"Lalalalalala." Sang Luke

"Um…Dude the show's beginning." Said Jan "This is Jan."

"And Luke with the weather report." Said Luke

"Duuuude! We're not in the anime anymore!" said Jan

"Oh….Ok."

It's time for…

"Jan's." said Jan

"And Luke's." Said Luke

"Show biz bucks show!" said the both of them

"Today we have another contestant…..!ssss." said Luke

"Who is it this time?" asked the fairy

"It's Rip Van Winkle and Schrödinger!" yelled Luke

"Hey wait bro. Aren't they supposed to be banned from this show, and isn't Schrödinger supposed to be dead?" asked Jan

"Ummm….I don't know." Said Luke as he hides a rival wand behind his back.

"Now I'm going to fudging kill you." Said Jan "Oh yeah…that reminds me…Lets play **Spin the Alucard**! As soon as they get here that is…"

-20 hours later

"Are they here yet!" yelled Alucard

"Shut up! You're just like a little kid." Said Jan

"Remember…I killed your brother before and I can kill you to…again." Said Alucard

"Ummm…he does have a point." Exclaimed Luke

"Ok Fine. I'm the one to shut up then!" said the fairy

"Dude…you haven't said anything for 20 hours." Said Jan

Then it happens…

"Hey what's going on? The scenery suddenly turned into a…a field of flowers!" yelled Jan

Hindenburg 2

"I'm getting really impatient!" yelled Schrödinger

"I can see why….Why don't you go to the studio instead?" asked Winkle

"Because I…I…I love you…!" said Schrödinger as he hugs Winkle

"Get off me you turd! This oversized blimp hasn't move an INCH!"

"Uhhh…sir? We haven't even undone the ropes, yet." Said the captain

"Dammit!"

**UNTIL NEXT TIME!**


	12. The back breaking NEWS! Literally

**Jan and Lukes' Showbiz bucks show!**

Welcome back to…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Lukes'" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

-Inside the Hellsing Organization-

"Walter! Get me my pie." Yelled Integra

"Yes, ma'am."

Walter then walks in the hallways and slips on a…dust bunny; then thus was rushed to the nearest hospital and……..Jan and Luke were his 'surgeons'.

"Jan!" yelled Luke

"What!"

"Get me a…scalpel, so we can remove his appendix."

"But Luke…this patient has a broken back!" said Jan

"Let's just take out his appendix anyway!" said Luke

"Hey! I'm in pain!" yelled Walter

"Shut up! You're supposed to be in bed!" said Jan "Now this is going to hurt!"

"Wait. Aren't you supposed to put me to sleep?"

"Well, we kind of ran out of that stuff. Now go to sleep." Said Luke

"How can I go to sleep when I have two maniacs at my sides trying to take out appendix, when I actually have a broken back!"

"Nurse Jan! The objective is complete!"

"Huh? I'm Confused."

"We took the appendix out while you were yapping." Said Jan "And don't call me Nurse again."

"NURSE! NURSE!" said a voice

"Stop calling me nurse!"

"We're having a baby in room 204!" Said the Harkonnen Fairy

"Hey, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I really don't know. I once had a wonderful dream, and I suddenly woke up; and here I am."

…and then it happened

Walter tries to get up and says "What about me?" then backs his back even more. "OOOWWWW!"

"Hey. What are _we _doing here anyway." Asked Jan

"Hmmm…I don't really know."

And that ends another story of…

"Jan's" said Jan

"And Lukes'" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the Harkonnen Fairy

(WHACK!) "Ow!

"That for calling me a nurse!"

"But…but you're wearing one of those little hats."

"Well uhhh…SHUT UP!"


	13. This is the last story! or is it?

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!**

Welcome to… 

"Jan's and" said Jan

"Luke's" said Luke

"Showbiz bucks show." Said the both of them

moment of silence…

"Well now; isn't this a wonderful moment." Said Luke

"Yes indeed, this is…." Said Jan

moment of silence…

(Farting Noises)

"Jan?"

"What, Luke?"

"I farted."

"That's nice to know." Said Jan

Moment of silence….

"LALAlALALAL!" sang Seras Victoria as she skips in a field of flowers

"Luke?"

"What, Jan."

"I think I'm in love."

"Jan?" asked Luke

"What, Luke."

"Ask her out on a date."

"Ask who out?"

"You know…Seras."

"What about Seras?"

"What do you mean what about her? You were staring at her while she was singing in a field of flowers; then you said that you were in love!" yelled Luke

"Seras? I didn't realize that she went by." Said Jan

"You're such a dumbass."

"When I said 'I think I'm in love' I meant that I was in love with that lawn mower over there." Said Jan pointing to the left.

"Oh… I see. So… you have eyes on the side of your head now?"

"Yup…"

moment of silence…

"So…." Muttered Jan

"Yup…" said Luke

"You guys are too lazy! All you do is just basic stuff!" yelled the Harkonnen Fairy

"Ah so what. You know…I wonder what it would be like if me and Seras got married." Wondered Jan

Luke looks up on a computer…with a picture of Seras and Jan on it, and finally said "Umm…you don't want to know."

"Why?"

"Because you look like an ugly couple."

"Oh shut the fu"

and that's it for…

"Jan's and." Said Jan

"Luke's." said the Fairy

"Showbiz bucks show." Said Luke

**This is the time for me get some votes of shall this fan fic stay or go…please decide on this yourself!**

**SO VOTE!**


	14. Integra's back! More Chaos!

**Jan and Luke Showbiz bucks show**

Sorry for very long w8 people… srry again 

Jan- "Welcome to Jan's"

Lukes- "And Luke's"

Both of them- "Showbiz bucks show."

Jan- "So Luke, why do we call this the showbiz bucks show again?"

Luke- "It's because we like to play games like…spin the Alucard."

Jan- "………….what….that's it?"

Luke- "That's it. Just a simple game of Spinning Alucard on some giant wheel."

Jan- "Is their money involved?"

Luke- "Nope."

Jan- "oh."

Luke- "….yup….wait a sec…WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK THAT STUPID QUESTION! YOU KEEP REPEATING YOURSELF!!"

Jan- "As I recall you repeating yourself too, you know."

Luke- "I guess I can't argue there."

Narator- "So the next contestant is….INTEGRA FAIRBROOKS WINGATES HELLSING!!"

Both of them- "What the hell! Not her again!"

Integra slams open the door to the studio with a look that seems like she's going to kill everyone.

Luke- "All right…here it goes!" Luke activates his lightsaber

Jan- "Dude your not Luke Skywalker."

Luke- "I don't care! AARRRRGHHHHHH" Luke charges her. And performs a slash attack "Hahahahha! Now you are……wait! Why the hell you just standing there, your supposed to be dead!"

"I don't die that easily." Said Integra

Jan- "uhh Jan…that's a hologram of some beam of light on a stick."

Luke- "Ah Shit."

Integra pulls out her pistol.

Jan- "everybody hide!"

Alucard- "I want my cookie! I want my mommy! I want Mr. Snuggles!"

Luke- "This is just like that Chapter six all over again! And who the hell is Mr. Snuggles?"

"He's my teddy bear…I finally found him a name…and now I can't find him!" cried Alucard

Jan- "Here we go again. Luke!"

"What!"

"Let's merge!"

"Alright! Said Luke

"Fuuuuu….siioonnnn….HHAAA." said the both of them as they dance around the studio

"wait why isn't it working?" asked Luke "It worked on the T.V. show of Dragonball Z!"

"you need to lose some wait." Said Jan

"ME?! It's more than likely you who is over weight!" said Luke

"Are you guys finished yet being dumbasses?" asked Integra

"No were not!" yelled the both of them

"In fact you can shove that gun up you're a…." muttered Alucard

"Alucard don't barge in conversations!" yelled Luke

"Yes master." Said the Harkonnen Fairy

"Oh god Not you again!" said Luke

(to be continued)


	15. Alucard goes missing

**Jan and Luke's Showbiz bucks show!!**

Jan- "Welcome back to…"

Luke- "Jan's"

Jan- "Luke's"

Both of them in a boring mood- "Showbiz Bucks show"

--

(Hellsing headquarters)

Integra- "calling all troops, Alucard went missing! We need to find him before…(looks around) – Seras get the HELL OFF MY LEG!!!"

Seras- "but I don't want to…I've come so far to see my wittle Alucard!"

--

(in the woods)

Alucard's mind- "I don't want to be chained up by that stupid ever again! They have me do all kinds of weird…SHIT!"

Police Officer- "Halt you may not pass this line!"

Alucard- "Fuck you"

Officer- "Oh… now you did it! You did it now!...you really really! Did it now! You mostly did it yourself, but I won't let that bother me…You've done it now!"

Alucard- "Off with your HEAD!!"

the Officer starts to running in circles and screams like a little girl…

Alucard gets into the fetal position and rocks back and forth and says "just shut up… please just shut up…shut up, just shut up, shut up!"

Officer sings- "Shut up…Just shut up, Shut up…"

Alucard yells "Fuck OFF!"

(Hellsing Airport Hanger)

Integra- "When the hell did we get a hanger…"

"I uhh…I uhhh…I uhhh… I uhhh… I don't know" said a dumbfounded pilot

Integra- "whatever" then laughs "fire off the nuclear missiles!"

Pilot- "Sir! I mean Ma'am, or whatever the hell you are you transvestite…this isn't the NAVY!!

Integra- "(sighs) oh you hurt my feelings…OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!"

Alucard said faintly to Integra- "Fuck you!"

Integra- "what was that soldier!" Turns around "Oh it's only you… wait…where hell were you…I almost called the Army to come after you!"

Pilot- "were the AIRFORCE!!" as he was dragged off to be executed

Alucard cries "I don't care! I'm going to my room!"

Integra- "Fine see if I Care!"

As Alucard goes to his room there's a loud 'girly' scream

Alucard- "Sorry wrong room!" shuts the door

THE END


End file.
